Buffer Negative Thoughts with Positive Self Talk and Improve Your Self Confidence (cont'd)
Negative thoughts impede your self confidence and distract you from your true purpose but by developing consistent positive self talk practices, you can easily minimize their effects and make great headway in all you strive to achieve.
Continuation of the Categories of Negative Thoughts and Distortions:
9. Negative thinking erodes your soul.
Has a critique from someone ever ruined your day, demoralized your spirit or caused you to question your ability in anything you do? Do you automatically see the BAD in any situation before shedding light on the GOOD?
This thinking will always make the situation a negative because of the nature of the predominant thought pattern upon it. Positive self talk and recognition of your habits can aid you to change immensely in this situation. Ever considered the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy? Choose the positive and you'll be happy to see that 'vision' come true.
Recognize negative thinking as it is occurring and immediately change your focus.
'What are all the GOOD things?’
'I have succeeded before, there is no reason to believe I can’t do it again!’
'No situation is ever entirely negative.’ Especially when you re-examine and grow with your experiences!
10. Believing what you feel:
The quality of your life is based on the quality of your feelings. Feelings are the thoughts we have chosen to think, not necessarily that they are real. Making a thought doesn’t make it real; it simply gives our own meaning to it. Facts and feelings are separate entities.
Do you believe all of the feelings you have? E.g. If you ‘feel’ like a loser, then you believe you are a loser.
Thoughts are easily distorted, especially in the presence of stress or low self confidence. Remember to question these thoughts before you believe them. Challenge your feelings by questioning them and realize when such negative thoughts are actually going to hurt your ability to clearly navigate a tough situation.
This is the opposite of blaming as it is directed at yourself instead of others.
'If I wasn’t so hard to love, I would be in a relationship.’
'It’s my fault that my sister is unhappy because she’s always felt overshadowed by our parents love for me.’
'It’s my fault we lost the game.’
'If only I’d enrolled my son in more sports when he was younger, he would be a more confident and outspoken now.’
There are always many players in the game of life and we all have roles, responsibilities and consequences. Blaming yourself, as was with others, is not productive. It does not encourage you to learn, or seek improvements that are within your control but rather maintains that negative ‘helpless’ cloud over your daily activities.
You may influence others decisions but you do not make their choices for them. The final decision is theirs to make. Blaming yourself actually assumes you have more importance over others than actual reality may dictate. Remember everyone is an individual, responsible for their choices and you for yours.
Share tips and lessons, rejoice their successes and sympathize their challenges, and support them in any way you can. That is the ‘productive and positive’ approach that would be much more effective than wallowing in self-pity and blaming yourself for a situation that may have been inevitable regardless.
Self confidence actually grows when you learn to recognize your role and act within your circle of influence; accepting the outcome that exists as whatever it was meant to be.
12. Making comparisons with others:
Do you compare the quality of your success with others? Or simply compare your whole self with the façade you see in others?
You may even magnify your faults and weaknesses and minimize your strengths and good qualities.
‘Comparisons with others’ occurs when you compare your successes and positive attributes with others, thus minimizing the magnitude of them because they don’t seem as grand or ideal as someone elses. You may even throw in your downfalls with your great attributes, unaware that others have their own challenges to overcome with the imperfections only they see as well.
We all have traits and flaws that we imagine are magnified under the careful scrutiny of strangers when in actual fact, they are trying equally as hard to both hide their own and overcome any negative influences from within as well. We truly aren’t alone but we are unique. Your own personal combination is your gift. Don’t ruin that by throwing in your own comparisons to minimize your specialness. Accept it, and use it to your advantage to be whomever you were meant to be in this world.
You may not be the ‘best’ at everything you do but you can be the best ‘you’ the world has ever known.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss (via Elena)
What a better way to cultivate amazing self confidence!
Use this list to recognize your own negative thoughts and limiting behaviours; and maybe practice working at a remedy with positive self talk and other techniques that help improve your self confidence. The best defence is a good offence. The more you get to know who you are, what your gifts and realistic limitations may be, work to excel at what you choose and allow the world to know you as much as you know yourself without apology; then you can lead others to proudly express themselves also through action and example.
What better way could you think of spending everyday than being yourself and loving who you are and what you do as a result?
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